To keep the relationship -- and yourself -- healthy, it’s important to set boundaries when dating a man going through divorce.
Just because a man has separated from his wife doesn’t mean he’s getting divorced.
When I moved back to my hometown we spent a lot of time together, I spent a lot of time with his son, and I spent a lot of time listening to him explain the circumstances surrounding his divorce, and the pains that inevitably followed. And while it wasn’t a relationship that lasted a substantial period of time, it was a relationship that taught me a great deal about myself, about what I wanted, and about the difficulties of dating someone who was once legally committed.
I learned that I would have to constantly share him. Legal proceedings and endless paperwork force people who are going through a divorce to live with one foot in the past, and one foot in a possible future.
Furthermore, it is disingenious for the other party to be dating someone who regards their current legal bond so lightly. For an in depth and extremely conservative study on this subject see the book "The Divorce Myth", by J. Perhaps in an effort to avoid legalism, we have lost perspective on the fact that God does know best, and His ways are always best. Maybe a life of celibacy for the divorcee who simply stays close to Jesus is much better for them than the possibility of making the same mistakes over again in a subsequent marriage.) Perhaps we have come to the place in American Christianity where we think that because the scriptures state clearly that God is love, we don't have to reckon with His other attributes, such as wisdom, justice, etc. As to responsibilities of the church in regards to confrontation and accountability, the scriptures are clear (1 Tim. Confrontation must always be done with a view toward restoration of the repentant. Seek wisdom from your church leadership, if possible. The answer might be that in the case of "dating" there is no evidence of sexual misconduct and therefore no clear point of sin to confront.
In an even more conservative perspective, many would say that even after the divorce, remarriage may not be a legitimate option. I personally think that anyone who is currently legally married and yet is "dating" while awaiting divorce proceedings, is undermining whatever is left of their marriage and showing no regard for the possibility of a future reconciliation.
I realise I am taking a risk on him by sticking with him, and I guess that if I want him then I have to, without even asking for much in return because anything that I might need in a relationship is put on hold while this divorce stuff goes on, and then I just wonder if I am just a fool. I also know that others in my situation can, like me, feel second best.
I feel like Im in too deep already and I dont know which way to turn. I think it depends on different things, how he's handling the divorce emotionally, if he's ready to move on to a new relationship yet, how complicated the divorce is.
It took only a few more conversations and rendezvous to cultivate a semi-serious relationship.While he contemplated all the choices he made and the failures he experienced and the happiness he once felt, I was left in the dark; incapable of comprehending just how difficult that limbo is and was.I learned that I couldn’t possibly be the only woman he would love.You saying he's mentally all over the place, that would be a red flag to me.I'm getting divorced and I'm in a relationship but there's no emotional turmoil at all, there's no negativity.